The City That Never Sleeps (with me)

If I weren’t creepy enough with my subway-staring ways, I would have taken a picture of the Bronx-bound 1 train I was on tonight for the sole purpose of proving to you that I was THE ONLY single person in the entire car. Yes, the entire car. Across from me, an adorable lesbian couple flipped through the Village Voice together while holding hands. Next to them, an extremely myopic couple squinted curiously at me– not myopic in the closed-minded sense, but in that both of them had the thickest glasses lenses that I have ever seen in my life. Sliding suggestively down a subway pole on the far side of the car was an attention-seeking teenage girl trying to subliminally seduce the fidgety, barely pubescent boyfriend who sat in front of her. To my right, a scenester couple with matching asymmetrical haircuts, flannel, and skinny jeans scenely snuggled while they listened to totally scene music from a shared set of ear buds, which were also quite scene. (I’d list more, but I’m running out of categories in which to pigeonhole all the couples I saw.)

One is the lonliest number that you'll ever doooo...

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever dooooo...

I’m not intimidated by being single, but it was definitely one of those uncomfortable instances where I couldn’t help but hum “One of These Things Is Not Like the Other” to myself. The plight of the single woman is especially hilarious in the context of my graduate school. Of the incoming class, eighty-seven per cent is female and thirteen per cent is male. And of that thirteen per cent, I’ve estimated about eleven per cent to be completely faaaabulous. It’s not important for me to be romantically involved right now– since I’m transitioning to the city life, I know that I need to establish myself as an individual rather than in relation to another individual. But for about forty blocks, the subway car was a surreal and disturbing wakeup call from hell, if hell were my biological clock. Also, honestly, I just really love spooning. It’s like crack, but it’s not the kind of crack that you can do by yourself. Okay, there really are no similarities between spooning and crack aside from how terrifyingly addictive both are and how both make you get kind of sleepy. Or so I’m told.

But nothing, NOTHING will ever be disturbing enough to cause me to turn to good ol’ Craigslist and its personals section. Today’s winner is from the “platonic section”:

can you tie me up in a fully clothed/platonic way? – m4w – 29 (Greenwich Village)

Date: 2008-09-09, 9:02PM EDT

I believe so! I want to be tied up and gagged . You can just watch TV or surf the net, whatever works, sure it can be fun for both of us I will be helpless, and you can do whatever you want to another human being, oh this of the possibilities!!! 🙂

Other then that, I have a corporate job and have normal interests such as roving around Central Park and Broadway!

Phew, I’m so glad that he has normal interests!! I LOVE roving!!! Good to know, because for a second there I thought he might be a weirdo, or worse, totally not platonic.

On second thought, being single works just fine, thanks.



Filed under Observations

4 responses to “The City That Never Sleeps (with me)

  1. Hi, can we talk about biological clocks for a second? I cannot walk into the baby department at my Macy’s without thinking “OMG I need to have a child now.” This is a problem since I work right next to said department. I see cute, huggable kids everyday, and it slays me. I’m afraid I’ll turn into one of those crazy ladies who pretends to be on birth control, but isn’t and gets preggers with some dude who just wanted a little pussy (was that too much to ask for?), but is now fucked for life, and all so she can get the life she dreams of.

    So, yeah. I’m pretty happy with being single right now, too.

  2. Janelle

    I see cute babies all the time on the subway that are totally chillin’ and not at all disturbed by the noise and the overcrowding, and that makes me think that babies would be an awesome thing to have (right now). And then I see a little awful child screaming his or her head off and I think to myself, phew, not snatching any of those from a hospital any time soon/ever.

  3. Amy

    you could strap him down and spoon him. i mean not like STRAP him down… except that that’s precisely what i mean.

  4. caleb

    i think your calculations of our incoming class are slightly off. of the 13% male, 5% is married and 10% is fabulous. And yes I realize that adds up to 15%… you figure it out.

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